SO WHO IS LO VALENZA, REALLY?

If you’re anything like me and hate talking about yourself, too, then you’ll understand why I resort to the usual bouts of self-deprecation and sarcasm.

[insert a long sigh here]

Well, sometimes you gotta hike up your black jeggings that you’re trying to pass as business casual at work and bear it.

Because really, though, if I want to build a relationship with y’all, then you need to know a little more about me than six or seven lines of my standard ABOUT ME // section. Right? Right.

So, here we go!

[insert a small panic attack and the usual waves of social anxiety here]

What Do You Listen To On Your Morning Commute? – 105.1 or 95.1, both country stations, naturally. Country rocks, duh. Also, sometimes I’ll bombard the hubs’ Rhapsody account and listen to Lady Gaga’s entire collection because Gaga is life. Again, duh.

What Animal Insect Are You Most Afraid Of? – SPIDERS. Holy balls, they’re awful. And it’s like I have a spidey-sense, because I swear I know when one is in the room and when I go to look for it, I look directly at it. Every. Single. Time.

What Is The Name Of Your Memoir? – “Are You Mad at Me?” The Companion to “I’m Sorry” , Both by the Anxious Author You Know and Love, Lo Valenza (Seriously, y’all. I’m giggling as I type this.)

What Is Your Go-To Karaoke Song? – “Part of Your World”, from The Little Mermaid, “Let it Go”, from Frozen, and “Somewhere That’s Green”, from Little Shop of Horrors. All musicals. Yes, judge me.

What Quality Is Most Attractive To You? – His ability to communicate what he wants, his hopes, his goals, the beauty of compromising, the sound of his laughter and velvety-deep voice, his hazel eyes and the scruff that sometimes lines his jaw, his arms wrapped around me and the ever-constant thrumming of his heart in my ear, his sensitivity to my needs and his respect for me as a wife and a best friend and a human…okay, I’m just describing the hubs here, y’all. Doesn’t matter how long we’ve been together, every time I see him my heart races and slows at the same time.

Which Musical Instrument Do You Want To Learn? – I can play the piano by ear. Not professionally, but I love to hop on it for twenty minutes or so and just pick apart a song chord for chord and note for note. I also play the drums. But if I could, I’d go back and try to learn how to play the violin again. Or the cello. Or a stand-up bass. Could you imagine a 5’7″ Lo Valenza trying to slap that stand-up bass? I can and again, I’m giggling at the thought.

What Could I Eat A Lot Of? – TACO BELL. IT’S BEEN 17 DAYS. I GAVE UP ALL FAST FOODS FOR THE YEAR AND I’M SOBBING ON THE INSIDE. THE CRAVINGS…THE SOUND OF BITING INTO A COOL RANCH DORITOS TACO…THE CHEESY GOODNESS THAT IS A BEEFY-FIVE LAYER BURRITO…A GLORIOUS CRUNCHWRAP SUPREME………………..HELP!!! SEND TACO BELL. Okay, I’ll stop now.

What Is Your Biggest Pet Peeve? – Oh lord, where do I begin? Loud chewers, people who chew with their mouth open, people who’s teeth grind together while chewing, people touching me, germs, when the sun is out, when my hair won’t look like it should, getting a huge, painful zit right when I definitely don’t need one, small talk, when someone bends the pages of my magazine before I’ve read it, people who spoil shit on Facebook, people who pretend to know what the hell they’re talking about on Facebook, politics on Facebook, a thousand photos of your baby (I’d rather see your dog, to be honest), stale food or food that’s gone bad, when someone cuts me off while driving, being sick, etc., etc., etc. I could really go on and on. Am I ranting? Is this a rant? Add that to my pet peeve list: when I rant about irrelevant things.

What Is The Best Movie Set In New York City? – Enchanted. And the first Sex in the City movie, not the awful second one. And it’s not a movie, but FRIENDS FOR THE WIN. Duh. Basically, I’ve never met a movie I didn’t like that was set in New York.

What Would You Do If You Were Playing Hooky For The Day? – Hmmmmm, I would sleep in. Then gym it up. Get all sweaty so I don’t mind eating a kick-ass dinner later. Then I would plop myself in the bath with a LUSH bath bomb, a candle, and a book and read until the water gets cold. Then I would eat, like, crackers and cheese and meats and olives and stuff, all fancy-like, and then maybe paint for an hour or two. And then the hubs would come home and I’d pop a bottle of wine open and we’d cook together. And sing. And then clean everything up and snuggle into bed, talking for a while and cuddling with Synyster, our little furbaby. And then we’d fall asleep to Titanic or some sappy shit. BAM! Perfect day!

And if you’ve made it this far down, CONGRATS! You now know a little more about me. Not the most conventional of questions, but I didn’t want to bore y’all. And if I did, oops.

MAKE SURE YOU SIGN UP UNDER THE CONTACTS // SECTION ON THE HOMEPAGE TO RECIEVE YOUR SUPER-AWESOME, SUPER-FREE COPY OF THE FIRST CHAPTER OF MY NOVEL!!!!!! DO IT WHILE YOUUUUU CANNNNN!!!!

Also, stay tuned for a sweeeeeeet-assssssss FREEBIE-GIVEAWAY ALERT coming at ya later this week!

XOXO, lo♥

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